Choke me, Zaddy!

My people, I have small gist.

So, in view of the things a few aggressive men have tried on me lately, I decided to go and brush up my skill. I registered for a new self-defence course.

I should write a diary entry for each session. The last one – I’ll call it ‘Choke me, Zaddy.’

It’s been two days and I’ve still not recovered. 😭

What happened?

Relax, I’ll gist you.

It’s me that went to go and kee myself o. They didn’t send me.

The class was progressing well until our Sensei said we’re going to practice how to remove ourselves from a chokehold.

Shebi it’s the small small nonsense you people post on this online and I’ll be reading, that caused it. Because I don’t know when my mouth opened and I said…

“Oshe! Choke me, Zaddy.”

Sensei took me seriously o.

He said, “You. Come.”

I said, “No, sir. I want to go.”

“Maifren, come here!”

Did I have a choice? I had to go forward.

As I got there, this man positioned me well and then grabbed my neck with his two hands. Very strong grip.

“Now, try and get out of my grip.”

I tried, just as I’d been taught but I couldn’t.

“Come on, do better! Edima, I’ve shown you how to do this before. Do it!”

My eyes began to water. I started seeing small small stars.

“Get out of my grip! Your attacker isn’t going to be nice. His grip will not be gentle. Do it!” he screamed.

I couldn’t breathe. Small stars became the Milky Way. Aye mi, te mi ba mi! I wanted to give up.

Sensei, I’m not doing again. Let the attacker attack me o. Na attack e attack, e no kill persin.

But the spirits of my ancestors, the great warriors of Annang land, wouldn’t let me be.

“Fight!” they said. “Loose you, and let you go.”

And that is how they inspired me to perspire, not to retire but to refire, in order to get my heart’s desire.

So, I focused, distracted him with a knock to the forehead, grabbed his left hand in a web hold, twisted the arm behind his back, cleared his legs from under him and slammed his body on the floor.

Sensei was shocked!

“Good….job!” he said while trying to catch his breath.

Good kini? After almost killing me. 😭

Anyway, he made me do it over and over. I got slammed a few times too. Right now, I don’t know where my real body is – the one I’m inside is filled with pains in every muscle.

Please, if you have a pain-free body you’re not using, mbok, gimme on a loan.

Ah, see what ‘Choke me, Zaddy’ has caused.