The moment I started reading it, I knew I had to share this brilliant satire on Nigeria’s current situation, written by Aishatu John. Enjoy.
A man goes to his rich neighbour’s house in distress. His neighbour is the community leader.
He says, “Sir, I came to tell you that your son broke into my house again. He killed my son, raped my daughters, stole my money and set my house on fire.”
“This boy again!” exclaims the community leader. “Eh, security, go and catch that my son.”
The guard hunts down the boy and brings him to his father.
“My son, stop being misguided. Take this 10m naira and stop stealing, please,” he says to the boy. Then he turns to his neighbour and says, “Neighbour, sorry eh? This is the last time. He will not do it again.”
Unhappy, the neighbour say, “Ah, Oga this is not fair. When my own son crossed your yard, you hunted him down and ensured that the security arrested and detained him. You even shot his friends who protested the arrest, stating that he’d hardly broken any laws and the punishment was too much.
Now you’re rewarding your son for doing much worse. Who will repay me for all he stole and destroyed in my home? Who will help me mourn my loss?”
To this lament, the Community Leader said, “God will console you and pay you back. But the way you are shouting is annoying me o. You want the whole neighbourhood to hear and think you’re the only one my son steals from? You’re not being fair – you’re biased. He killed only one son in your house; he’s killed ten of his brothers in mine and raped six of his sisters. He’s stolen much more from me!
Stop shouting, so people won’t hear and think you’re his only victim. I have told him not to steal and kill again. Instead of shouting and complaining so the world thinks I’m a bad person, just pray he listens this time.
Let me even tell you now; I’m angry that last time he tried to rob you, you used a cutlass to cut his hand. I’ll not tolerate you taking laws into your hands. Try to be more accommodating and live in peace with your neighbours.
Next time you attack him, I’ll ensure you go to prison.”
The Man returns home in pain. That night, the Leader’s son breaks in again. He lets him rob, rape and kill his family because there is nothing he can do.”